The Moral of the Cat Snatcher

While participating in San Francisco’s rather wet Women’s March today I was reminded of a story that might prove useful to the incoming administration.

Several years ago my mother’s friends got together to return unwanted holiday gifts. ‘Getting together,’ in this case, meant picking up various members of this rural, primarily farm-owning, group and driving to ‘The City’ before a leisurely lunch, hitting the shops and returning home.

As they left the last long and winding driveway before making their way along back roads through recovering cornfields to one of the highways, the most recent member of the group spotted one of her cats, now recently deceased, on the side of the road. Rather than leave it there to the whims of whatever passed by, dear kitty was dropped into a Nordstrom’s bag and gently laid to temporary rest in the trunk of the car until proper arrangements could be made.

Upon getting to the City and their intended lunch destination, the decision was made to pull the cat out of the trunk and set it next to the rear tire of the car. It was cold out but it was sunny, and sun might lead to a warm trunk and some unfortunate aroma.

The group sat inside near a window from whence they could see their car and the secret beside it. A lady soon pulled up next to their car, parked, got out, saw the bag, looked around, picked it up and sauntered into the restaurant.

The unwitting cat snatcher was seated a few tables down from the group who were now, perhaps somewhat cruelly, beginning to giggle uncontrollably. She ordered. Looked around again for good measure. Picked up the bag and opened it to see what good fortune had brought her way.

Her ensuing shriek and vigorous backward leap indicated a dead cat had not been high on her list of expectations. She hit her head and dropped to floor, out cold.

To the group’s amusement, as the paramedics rolled her out a few minutes later, the waiter scrambled after noting ‘ma’am, ma’am, your bag!’

The moral of this story, Mr. President? Grabbing pussy is never a good idea. At best you get smacked upside the head.

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